Love and other drugs

There once was a girl, who never believed in love, never said the word, and never accepted the love that was given to her. So she kept her heart in a cage, and kept it away from everyone, especially those she cared about the most. One cold January night, she found a prince, handsome and charming, kind and caring, and he wasn’t afraid to love, or afraid to take a risk. He loved her, she knew this, but still she couldn’t say that word, for fear it would weaken her, cripple her; she didn’t want to get hurt. Months passed, her affection for this prince swayed, she didn’t believe in love, so how could she stay in this relationship if he was the only one who cared? So she waited, patiently, until he made one mistake. She took that mistake and ran with it, accused him of being to controlling, said she didn’t have feelings for him, all lies to protect her selfish heart. A year passed, she saw her prince across the dance floor, and she went to him. Feelings came back, a wave of emotions she never thought possible overcame her. His touch sent shivers down her body, he swayed in time with her to the music, and when they kissed her heart felt something she thought it could never feel. Finally, after a year of trying to forget the prince, the girl realized she was in love with him and he would always have her heart. She was prepared to tell him this, tell him that she did love him, she always loved him, and would ask for a second chance. But this is not a fairytale, there is no happy ending to this story, because the prince now belonged to someone else. Devastated, the girl smiled at her prince and told him to be happy, all the while she screamed on the inside, knowing some other girl got to touch his face and hold his hand. Some other girl got to fall asleep in his arms, and that someone else would look into those blue eyes and see the love she threw away.
Lyrical Love,
Cara

Plato's Cave

So for the last few weeks this philosophical allegory has been bothering me, maybe not bother, so much as puzzled me. It's called "Plato's Cave" and even though I don't fully understand it yet, I'm going to try and explain it to the best of my abilities.

So there are these people, and they are chained facing a wall, and they can't move, or turn around to see what's behind them. Behind them there is a fire, and puppeteers cast shadows onto the wall the people are facing. So all the people ever see are the shadows, all they know are the shadows, and all they believe to be real are the shadows. Then one day, one of the chained people are released and wander out of the cave into the world where they see the sun, and everything in it's "true form". The person begins to understand that the shadows weren't real and that what he see's in the sunlight, that is real. So he hurries back to the cave to tell the others what he's discovered, how the shadows aren't real, but they mock him and tell him he's crazy, the shadows are real they insist.

So I guess what the point of this story is enlightenment, learning the "true form" of everything in the world, and trying to teach others about it. The problem I was having was trying to understand what exactly a "true form" is, and how it was explained to me was that a "true form" is the "perfect form" of something, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around that concept because I don't believe anything can be perfect, and anything I try to imagine is imperfect, so how can I possibly grasp perfection? I apologize if my ramblings have made you yawn, or started to make your eyes droop. More to the point, I wrote a poem about Plato's Cave to try and help myself make sense of it all, maybe it will assist you too!

Lyrical Love,
Cara

Plato's Cave
I am haunted
By shadows cast by figures I can’t see
How do I know who they are?
Or if they in fact are real
If I were to see these shadows my entire life
And then one day turn and see the people behind the shadow
Would I recognize them?
They who have been a presence all my life
Flickering by candle light
Jumping across walls
And dancing before my eyes
My companions
Would I embrace them and feel the warmth?
Or return to the shadows
For they are all I have known
Blinding light reveals the truth
And the truth is
I know nothing

Vulnerability is Love at its Finest

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” –C.S. Lewis

Crown my Heart and Call me Queen

These words are penned by chipped pink nails, by a girl with a smile on her face and a girl trying to reinvent herself. All I wanted was to go out into this world and find my niche, my space to call my own. I however got caught up in the neon lights, and blacked out nights. I was sucked into a magical world where my troubles went away, and the stars stayed out solely for me. I thought that my fairy tale land was safe, that no one and nothing could touch this sanctuary I called mine. But like a cheaply made vase, there were cracks and flaws in this place, spaces where the darkness seeped in, and I could not hide forever. Anger, fear, sadness, loss, they sought me out like an old friend, and took hold of everything I held dear. They pushed me around, and I fell to the ground. I couldn’t get back up, I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay down forever and let life pass over me so that I didn’t feel the pain, but I was also giving up my joy, and the people I love. Then came the blue eyes, filled with strength, and kindness, a hand extended toward me. I was able to stand, for the first time in what seemed like months, and I held that hand for a while, it guided me, and never let me fall. But I knew he couldn’t stay with me forever, this was my life, these were my burdens, I needed to start walking on my own, I needed to take back this life I had let slip away. I had to let go of the hand that had brought me from the darkness, and hoped he would understand. I have made many mistakes, I have made bad choices, I have lied, I have cheated, and I have let responsibility slip from my fingers. And the worst part is no one held me accountable for my actions. I was my own judge and jury, and because of this, I let things slide when they shouldn’t have, I let people go that I shouldn’t have, and I lost love because of my selfishness. No longer is my mission to find my place in this world, I have a new task, a new journey set out. To give as much kindness as I can, repair burned bridges, and help other people find their place in this world. This is why I smile, because there is still hope.
Love always.
Cara.

Hearts behind bars are like blacked out stars

This poem is long, probably the longest I've ever written, but I feel this dialogue has lots to offer, and maybe you can relate too. We all bump up against walls now and then, and whether we choose to believe in fate or not, we are all following a path, and can choose to step off it if we like. My understanding of Fate may be a little skewed, but to me, Fate is a guide to the place you are meant to end up at, and you can change your path, but in the end, you'll always end up where you're meant to be. The point being though, if you were told the ending of the story, would you keep reading? Even if you didn't like it? Or would you re-write it, could you re-write it? So many rhetorical questions, I'll leave it up to you to decide.

Hearts Behind Bars Are Like Blacked Out Stars

There once was a silly, brown eyed girl
Who opened her heart, and let in the world
She hoped and she dreamed for the One to come along
Sweeping her away to where she belonged
She danced through her life, trying to give more than she gained
She wore dresses and heels, and slept under paper cranes
But one day she woke to a peculiar sight
Something had joined her in the night
Fate sat looming in the corner
Apparently he had come to warn her
“Guard you’re heart, o little one-
Don’t let the boy’s have all their fun-
Because they will take you-
And they will break you-
Little sparrow, they will take your wings –
But I know that you can do most marvelous things-
I see it, I feel it, now you must believe it”
He said as he smoked, with his cigarette lit
Scared, she looked with a questioning stare
Hiding her face with a curtain of hair
“How will I find love if my heart is behind bars?”
She said, with her brown eyes as big as the stars
“How can I be free if you clip my wings?-
You say I can do most marvelous things-
But I’m only a girl, who’s already lost-
And I can’t, and I won’t, forsake love at all costs-
I’ll keep fighting, and searching for him-
Even though your warning is dire and grim-
You may be Fate, but this is my life-
I will take the pain and all strife-
To fight you, dear Fate, I know you are wrong-
So please move along, and stop singing sad songs”
So he got up and shrugged, with a jacket in hand
“So you’ll break the hourglass, but can you pick up the sand?”
He stumbled his way back into the night
Knowing he shouldn't have started this fight
The girl sat there, and watched as he disappeared
She trembled and shook, because this is all that she feared
Her Fate took her one way, while her heart craved another
All she wanted in this life was someone to love her
Even though deemed impossible, and dangerous to pursue
She decided to fight Fate, and so I ask
Will you?

Apologies Are Never Enough

I break my own heart, and watch it fall
And all the while I stand tall
But my soul threatens to pull me down
I wander, lost, in this strange town
Words left hanging on a breakable thread
Silence fills the spaces instead
The pain in your eyes is more than I can take
But I can't, and I won't let you see my heart break
So many things left to say
We turn our backs and walk away

Bad Day Blues

I had a bad day today. It happens, and I just try to deal with it. It was a combination of different things that seemed to form one giant wave of stress, and decide today would be the day to come crashing down on me. Fortunately I had my life jacket on. At first I wallowed in self pity for a bit, and was all “woe is me, my life sucks” but then my brain started to think positive again. So here is a short list of what Cara does when she is sad:

-Dress in bright colors , this always seems to help me, I feel like I radiate positive energy by donning colorful clothes. For example, today I wore a bright purple dress by Silence + Noise, a fuchsia hat from Aldo, zebra stripped earrings from Claires, and an assortment of sparkly jewelry.

-Self Photo Shoot, yes this seems a little self-absorbed, and I too dislike girls who post albums on facebook devoted to multiple shots of themselves, but what I’m suggesting is something different. It’s more celebrating who you are, and appreciating yourself. So grab a camera, don Mardi Gras beads, and sparkly masks, and go camera happy! (Note: You may, or may not post them to facebook, but realize no one wants to scroll through a dozen photos of your face).

-Exercise, yes this may not suit your taste, but I find it actually does help. Whether I’m running or longboarding, my mind is clear, and focused solely on the task at hand. Either negotiating an icy hill, or concentrating on my breathing. Exercise forces you to focus your energy on one task, making you forget you were sad to begin with.

-Read Poetry, I feel like this is a given, since this is a poetry blog. Sometimes I’ll read some sad poems, or maybe go back to an old favorite. Either way I become relaxed, and can think clearly about my problems.

Those are just a few of my solutions, I’m sure other people have some helpful things to do when their sad as well. I feel the only way to deal with a bad day is to have a little “me” time, and then move on.



I leave you with the opening stanza to one of my favorite poems, I would post the whole thing, but it would take up the entire page, and then some. Enjoy!

Augeries of Innocence By: William Blake
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Lyrical Love,
Cara