These words are penned by chipped pink nails, by a girl with a smile on her face and a girl trying to reinvent herself. All I wanted was to go out into this world and find my niche, my space to call my own. I however got caught up in the neon lights, and blacked out nights. I was sucked into a magical world where my troubles went away, and the stars stayed out solely for me. I thought that my fairy tale land was safe, that no one and nothing could touch this sanctuary I called mine. But like a cheaply made vase, there were cracks and flaws in this place, spaces where the darkness seeped in, and I could not hide forever. Anger, fear, sadness, loss, they sought me out like an old friend, and took hold of everything I held dear. They pushed me around, and I fell to the ground. I couldn’t get back up, I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay down forever and let life pass over me so that I didn’t feel the pain, but I was also giving up my joy, and the people I love. Then came the blue eyes, filled with strength, and kindness, a hand extended toward me. I was able to stand, for the first time in what seemed like months, and I held that hand for a while, it guided me, and never let me fall. But I knew he couldn’t stay with me forever, this was my life, these were my burdens, I needed to start walking on my own, I needed to take back this life I had let slip away. I had to let go of the hand that had brought me from the darkness, and hoped he would understand. I have made many mistakes, I have made bad choices, I have lied, I have cheated, and I have let responsibility slip from my fingers. And the worst part is no one held me accountable for my actions. I was my own judge and jury, and because of this, I let things slide when they shouldn’t have, I let people go that I shouldn’t have, and I lost love because of my selfishness. No longer is my mission to find my place in this world, I have a new task, a new journey set out. To give as much kindness as I can, repair burned bridges, and help other people find their place in this world. This is why I smile, because there is still hope.
Love always.
Cara.
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